Wanted

"You know I'd fall apart without you
I don't know how you do what you do
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me
It makes sense when I'm with you" Hunter Hayes "Wanted"

Why do I have to know I am wanted?

Here I am at college, and I am trying to make it through week by week.
Why?
Because I hate it.
Why?
Because I don't feel wanted.
I don't feel like anyone will miss me if I never showed up in a class or at a meeting again in this town. I am just as easy to forget as that math homework your professor assigned on Friday.
I have been debating on transferring colleges for awhile now.
And I have mentioned this to some people, whom I would say I am closest to on this campus, arbitrarily but I did slyly to make it seem like I am not really looking at it but it is an option. And you know what they sad? Whatever. Or Have a great time there- good party school. Oh you'll like it there.
Great.
That's just what I wanted to here.
That you don't really care if I stay here.
I'm not asking you to get down on your hands and knees and beg me to stay.
I want to know that you might miss me, even a little bit.
I want to know that you have started to care for me a little bit but I guess not.
Walking around campus at night, it can be a little scary. My college is in a relatively safe area but there has been some crime and issues.
I walk around at night by myself when I am walking building to building (like dorms to the library) and realize that someone could come up and attack me, drag me away, rape me, any awful thing and I don't think anyone would realize this for a few days.
And I feel like I might be willing to let them because I just don't give a poop anymore.
Might as well see if anyone cares for me now that I am under duress.

My roommate doesn't care what I do.
I go to bed after her and get up before her usually so she would probably just think that missed her.

If I was found alive and well, then my sorority sisters may care for a few days and then go back to loving their fave freshies.

My soccer buddies wouldn't know because I don't always make it to soccer and I;m just starting to get to know them.

I sound like a silly girl wishing a guy would  sing a song like Hunter Hayes's Wanted to them..
But right now, that's all I'm wishing for.
I wish someone wanted me.
But I guess I'll just have to learn how to deal with not being wanted.

 

Ice I Need Ice!

Does anyone remember this random movie line?
I doubt it because I am the type of person who always remembers the most random  movie lines
This one comes from The Princess Diaries where Mia is playing baseball and hurts her gym teacher.
It was an awkward moment for the princess but still funny!

When I hear "L is for the way you look at me" reminds me immediately of the Parent Trap with Lindsey Lohan- whom I do not like as a person but love her in this movie!

Do you ever hear people talking and they say something little like "Duuudee" and it automatically makes you think of Crush the sea turtle from Finding Nemo?

I was sitting in Psychology the other day learning about how the littlest things can trigger yoour memory and remind you of past memories and experiences.

Last night, a couple friends and I were watching the Disney movie (Yes I know, all I have mentioned so far are Disney movies but 1. Disney movies are awesome and 2. I do watch other movies but Disney movies are the easiest to relate to) Anastasia.
Memories flooded back to me as the movie continued. Even though I hadn't watched or thought about this movie in years, I was able to recall what would happen in the movie a couple minutes before it was going to happen.
 

The movie reminded me of memories of hanging out with  my passed grandma and my cousin Anna as we ate homemade chocolate chip cookies and milk while playing cards.
Watching this movie just lifted my spirit because I loved being reminded of these memories and good times as a child.

Being a child is truly the best time in life. As soon as you are past a certain time in your life, you realize how great it truly was.
But that's a subject for another time

One Week Until Thanksgiving!

What are you thankful for?
Besides the ever so clever response: family and health; what specifically are you glad you have in your life because without it, what would you be like? Would you still be you?

I am thankful that I am at a four year university studying to get a degree.
Even though I am still having problems at my college and want to transfer, I am glad that I am still pushing myself to do my best and I actually have a professor who wants to help me succeed. I am thankful that my roommate kept me as a roommate even after she told me she wanted to switch .I am so glad we were able to work things out.

I am thankful for my best friend Shelby- why? Because she has been there for me through thick and thin. She has helped me get through the toughest times here  at college even though she is a couple hours away from me. She is always there to talk to me and text me about any problems I have whether it's big or small from boy problems to if I chose the right college and career path. She keeps me from making bad decisions and I thank the Lord that we have still stayed best friends since middle school and I continue to hope that we stay best friends until we are old ladies sitting with our husbands on our porch eating m&ms and drinking Squirt until the break of dawn.

I am thankful that someone said hi to me today which uplifted my mood hugely.
The littlest things can make a person's day all the more better.
I am thankful I found a job that I love
I am thankful for the coffee that wakes me up
I am thankful for Nick at Nite playing Friends which has never let me go an episode without laughing a couple of times.
I am thankful for seeing the cutest wedding video today that makes me believe that I'll have a beautiful wedding someday ( although I'm more concerned about finding the perfect man that fits me like two peas in pod than having the most beautiful wedding)
I am thankful that my roommate let me borrow her cheetah onesy  that is super cozy since our room is bloody cold!
I hope to be thankful towards someone someday for teaching me a British accent!

(One cheesy clever response- sorry haha)I am thankful that my family is together and loves one another. I hear about these people's stories about their home life and how rough  it is compared to mine and even though I sometimes can't stand my family and they drive me up the wall- I could not make it through a day without them

Oh and here's an adorable picture of a place I've been to and want to go back to! I love parissss
 

Late Nights

I wish I was like Snoopy right now- although I don't know if that position would be comfortable...
I am pulling off my first college all-nighter and honestly,
it feels so stupid.
I mean, maybe some people can comprehend information at 4am but I realize I now that I would hav fared better with sleep.
But once you reach that one specific point in time, you know you won't be falling asleep anytime soon and if you did eventually fall asleep, you would not be able to wake up for your classes or meetings in the morning. I wish we could run off an hour of sleep.
Think of how  much more we could get done!
Btw- this is my study break since I didn't have time earlier today to blog.
Late Nights suck too because it throws off the rest of your week until you can catch up on the sleep.

And then you start snacking on junk food even if you ran your heart out earlier today in an effort to burn those calories that you just  put back on.
Oh well haha

Well, I guess I will be staying up for over twenty-four hours- this is my punishment for waiting to study for my test until now!
I guess it is fair but I feel like I am going to get a second consequence when i do terribly on my test tomorrow...

Tomorrow I think I will be blogging about how every program wants you to be the top of the top in your classes or else they won't accept you into any programs for your career in college...Everything is just so competitive in college...Well I have more on this but I think I will save that for tomorrow when I can attempt to write something worthwhile I hope.

Sparkling vs. Brawny

Like OMG guys the final installment of Twilight is coming out in four days?!
Whose excited?
ME!
Want to know why?
Because then people will finally be done with it.
( Even the actors are sick of it!)

Okay I am being a hypocrite because I used to be one of those silly girls obsessed with the books. I didn't tell any of my friends because it was lame.
But I was a total Team Edward in the books and Team Jacob in the movies ( Have you SEEN Taylor Lautner? Holy cow! Yum!)
Luckily, I have gotten over the inital craze. The books in themselves were not awful. The storyline is a "wee bit" stretched but it was the movies that probably made the book series seem even worse with the awful acting- I'm talking to you Kiersten Stewart who can't show more than one facial expression)

But have you ever seen an movie just because even though you knew it would be awful, you just had to see it?
I think I will most likely go see the final installment of Twilight.
I need closure because I truly did enjoy the books. The books weren't up at the top of my reading list next to "The Great Gatsby" or anything but they were the chick flicks of reading for me when I was having a bad day. And now that the final movie is coming out, I want to see how other people saw the end of the movie in their perspective.

I'm just going to hope for the best.
(Let's just hope Edward keeps his shirt on- sorry dude sometimes less is more!)

The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow

" The sun will come tomorrow bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow- there'll be sun"
 

This song always seems to brighten my day especially after a rough week.
And you know what?
It did get better :)
Sometimes it just takes time for everything to turn back your way.
Of course, not everything will go one's way but perhaps all it takes is to look at the more positive view of life.
Look at things in a positive view rather than negative
Negative- I have never had a boyfriend. I am not lovable.
Positive- Why do I need someone to tell me they love me? I can hold myself up. I have for the past number of years (BTW I am NOT some crazy weird old lady- I've had "flings") been fine. Obviously I am still alive and still succeeding in life. I have an amazing family. I have amazing friends. I may wish  had someone to cuddle with and hold me at night but why do I need someone to take care of me. I need to be able to take care of myself.

See? Do you see all the positivity?
Negative- I failed my test.
Positive- Next time, I know how to study. I want to learn that information because I can increase my intelligence.

Okay that sounded completely cheesy  and stupid haha

I am not used to blogging. Usually I just write in my journal about my pathetic attempts at flirting and hanging out with guys. Once I write it out I feel better.
But here at my college( if you had a read my previous post you would see I am not having a very good time at college- I am not usually one who likes to stay in. I like to have a mix of going out and staying in. I'm not a complete introvert)
'
Forget it, I'm lame. Here I am blogging when I could be out with friends. You know what I think I;m going to do it.
I'm going to take the leap.
I am planning on blogging once a day if I can but given how lame this post is, I doubt anyone will be back to read.  Ah well time to go
Time to Live It Up
It's life after all
You only get one shot
 

Life In College

It's a Saturday night.
You've been in college for over two months.
According to most people, you should be out partying with all your new friends, having the time of your life.
Well I'm one of those students yet I am sitting in my dorm room typing away  and watching Friends on Nick at Nite.
Before you assume I am one of those people who hides herself in her room, munching away on chips and sweets as I eat myself away to obesity and watching chick flicks, you should know that I'm not.
I enjoy going out with friends and meeting new people. I enjoy bonding and having a blast with others.
In high school I had a group of friends that I could always call up to hang out with or to grab a coffee/ smoothie. But I chose to go somewhere new for college and to forgo the easy route by going to the same college as my friends. I wanted a chance to explore and to take a chance. Before, I had always thought of myself as a person who can meet new people easily and become friends. I had seen new people come to my school and be accepted into our school's social scene. I wanted to try that, and to branch out. College was an opportunity to take a chance.
Now that I'm here, I no longer feel that way.
I miss my friends, I miss my old lifestyle.
I don't feel like I belong here, at this college.
I have gone out, I joined a sorority and various clubs and groups. But everyone here seems to have a set group of friends and I am not included in it.
In the sorority house, the girls seem accepting but the older girls seem to have selected their freshmen that they want to hang out with and I am not in that crowd. I joined a religious group that really seemed to fit me until one girl back stabbed me at a getaway and then other girls whom I met and seemed to had made friend with on the trip no longer talk to me- its a simple hi in the hallway or they just ignore me.
There are nice people here that I have met, but they have their own thing going on and I don't want to intrude. I don't like inviting myself to things. I want to know I am wanted and they don't say I can come out of guilt or lack of respect.

My dad gave me some good advice, when he went to college after Thanksgiving break, he didn't think that he would miss any of the people he met at college but by Winter/Christmas Break, he realized how much he missed the people he went to college with and couldn't wait to get back (he had gone to a college out of state where none of his friends from high school had gone to).

I have five weeks until Christmas break, and the time at which I'm suppose to realize that I love my college. But right now, all I want to do is transfer. Whether I transfer to the big college one of my best friends attend or to a smaller college, it's up in the air.

All that I know right now, is that the college that I am at now, is not the college for me.
The next step, abide a scary one, is making sure that I make it work at the next college because I do not want to transfer again. I am already going to have to start over and its going to be even hardder because most people will have their circle of friends.

Who knows what the future has in store for me. But I hope that it is good because these past two months here, at my current college have been the worst months of my life.
And its time I find a place with people that accept me for me and want to get to know me without making me feel bad about myself.