Notice the Cracks

First we had Hurricane Sandy that rocked the East Coast, pummeling it and taking out electricity for days in certain parts of the coast.
Then a few days ago, we had a shooting at an Elementary school called Sandy Hook in Connecticut where over 27 people died including students, teachers, and the principal.
What's next?
I shouldn't even ask.
This year has been rough not just for the United States but for other parts of the world as well.
Afghanistan, Pakistan, and surrounding countries have citizens that can barely walk out there doors in certain parts without the possibility of being killed.
A young girl had been outspoken in her country and she ended up being shot at for speaking against certain politics.
Why do these awful things happen?
It is when these horrific events happen that people ask themselves if they believe in God.
I know I do.
I know that God is not here to make our lives perfect. God is not here to live our lives for us. We are the ones leading our lives. We are the ones making choices.
Not God.
He is the one that gave us life.
He is the one that gave us our existence to become something  and to do something in this world.
God can't always stop those events from happening.
He wants us to see that we need to stop arguing and work together to become a better place. He wants us to build from these events to become stronger and more unified community. But our world is far from this possibility yet God keeps trying. Perhaps someday we will all realize our mistakes and come together.
God is not the one we go to solve our problems.
He is here to help us but He is also here to teach us.
Trust God.
I don't know His plan and neither do you.
What I do believe though, is that he wants to help us by showing us the way.
The problem is, we don't always stay on this path.
Pray for the victims of the elementary shooting, pray for the victims of the hurricane, pray for the people around the world suffering from hunger problems to those stuck in terrible situations to those who just deserve a prayer but never get it for their miniscule problems because the world is too focused on the big picture to notice the cracks that are breaking it apart.

Oh the Places You Could Go!

 

Where to be? Where to go?
I just don't know.
I am ready to leave my school for winter break and escape the daily pain of feeling like a loser and not fitting in. I am ready to get out of this hole that while some days makes me feel welcome and loved, there are still a higher amount of days that make me want to cry and escape.
My only option is to go home. And yes, I love my home and my family but they also cause me stress and problems. I can only handle them for a certain extent of time until I need to leave. But I will have a whole month with them before I head home. Everything is best held in moderation and a month with my family will get to feel almost too long.
I wish I could go off with my best friend and be IW's but she has found the "love of her life", where she has felt nothing ever like this feeling this guy before....which I am glad for her, I am honestly so excited. I'm just nervous for when the time comes, if it does, that they end it and she comes to me telling me she never gets guys.
Which is so nice to hear as a single person. Lawls...you know how it is.
I wish I could go off on a whirlwind adventure over break and explore the Rocky Mountains, explore New York City and do all the touristy things, climb Mount Everest, skydive, visit historical places in European countries, go to a World Cup soccer match, go scuba diving in the Mediterranean, go taste new foods and explore cultures on every continent.

Nonetheless, these are just dreams. Dreams that could be possible to an extent one day but currently...they are a no-go.
What would make these dreams worthwhile and amazing, and worth the time and money spent on going to do them, is to have a loved one with you.
I know that there are good guys out there-it just takes time to find them.
And like my new friend Jung said in a speech the other day, he prayed and prayed to God to help him find a girlfriend, but all he needed to do was realize a relationship with God is important as well, and he needs to make sure he has that established before he goes in search for a serious, and loving relationship.

Who is the coolest superhero?!

Who would you chose as the coolest superhero?
 
It could be anyone from DC comics to Marvel and beyond!
My top two superheroes are the classic Batman and Superman.
Batman caught my eye through the old TV show that sometimes still has reruns on TVLand as well as through The Dark Knight movie series (Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, and The Dark Knight Rises).
Personally, I believe the Dark Knight is the best of the three- Christian Bale excels in his roll as the Batman, and the late Health Ledger blew everyone including me with his portrayal of the Joker.
I am always quoting movie lines from this movie.
One of my favorite ones is not necessarily a quote but it's at the part where the Joker has Batman on the side of the building and the Joker is waiting for one of the two boats which has prisoners on one and common people on the other, to blow the other boat up. And then the Joker says, as they wait for the clock to strike midnight for one of the two boats to chose,
"And here we GO!"
I know, it's not a huge line, but for someone reason it has always stuck with me.
These movies have always been amazing, and really hook their audience into the movie, and the Batman has such phenomenal superhero skills. But does he deserve it? He may have the skills, and the tools, but he had to earn those skills and work for them- he was not born with them like other superheroes...


Superman, on the other hand, was born with his super speed and strength. I love how he doesn't want the credit and likes to lead a personal life. I am also glad they have not remade the movies, because I love Marlon Brando's portrayal of Superman. This movie is amazing as well.
I don't have as much to say about Superman because I haven't seen the movie in a long time, but he is on equal footing with Batman because he has true superhero abilities that he was born with.

Overall, I don't know who I would chose..I made a Superman Sweatshirt and I made a Batman shirt.
I guess it doesn't matter necessarily.
Superheroes are cool in general
And if you don't like superheroes, well no offense, but that's just plain weird :)

Slapping Myself Mentally

I've never felt more lost in my life.
 
And I feel like I have no reason to be feeling this way.
Everyone has a story.
A new friend told me today how her dad died three years ago to cancer and some girls on her sports team talked behind her back about it because she had a match on the anniversary of his death and didn't play well.
Another person told me how they don't want to go home because they are tired of their family leaning on them for everything because they are the only going to college and they only one who has their life together.
I am feeling completely lost in this world that has over seven billion people.
And I have tried to move around, I have tried to talk to people, I have tried and tried and tried.
I am realizing right now that it is me who is in the way of everything because I have such a close minded view about the world.
But I don't know how to let go.
I don't know how to let myself be free from myself and just be whoever I am without caring what other people think.
I don't know how not to care.
That is the one class that no school has that needs to be taught.
Teachers try to teach it within their classes but it doesn't work.
I just need someone to slap myself silly or something to get me to realize how stupid I am being an d even as I type this, I feel silly.
I just don't know how to let go and not give a care to the world

America's Society

Our society sucks.
There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

 
I hate the word "normal"
Because who gets to define what normal is. Who gets to say a normal family is one that loves each other all equally and supports one another. Who says that there can only be two parents- a man and a woman and three kids? Why are families that have people that don't get along or have two moms or dads or its just a mom and her son?
To define normal:  It is the usual, average, or typical state or condition.
 What defines a beautiful person?
Is it someone who has a face of flawless features that fit perfectly together or is it in the eyes of the beholder?
Is it someone with a thin, toned body if its a woman or a ripped muscular body if its a man?
Why do men call women thick? I realize that someone of you consider this a compliment. But we don't.
All we here is you telling us that we are still fat and that we could try and lose some weight.
But as hard as we try to diet, as hard as we try to work out every day or 5 times a week pushing ourselves to loose those pounds and get toned, it will never be good enough for you.
I have been going to the gym five times at least a week to the gym, pushing my body as hard as I can. I can finally fun a six minute mile which I have not been able to do since 10th grade.
Yet, it just isn't good enough.
I know I'm not skinny. I know I have curves. But I'm not fat. And while I may in your terms be "thick" you better not say that to me again because that's just plain rude!
You may think I'm some crazy psycho chick who is overweight and eating ho-hos  and drinking a two liter gallon of pop as I type this but instead I am eating an apple for my dinner.
I'm eating less because I want to fit it in.
I'm eating less because I want a guy to see me and say dang I want to ask her out right this second.
But no, I'm not gorgeous enough to ever be a face on a magazine or to even be on the list of the world's top 10000000 beautiful people.
All because the world decided that the people who are genetically blessed with the perfect genes deserve to make millions of dollars for doing nothing except being born.
All because the world decided what should be considered normal and what is beautiful.
And I am not accepted into this niche because our "society" is lead by those who are above normal so they can look higher up while they really are just like the rest of us.

Re-re-re-re-re-REREADING

I love rereading books especially when you haven't read them over four months and you forget about the little things that happened in the book.
Like in Harry Potter, I forgot that Dumbledore had seen "socks" in the Mirror of Erised.
I've always been curious about that part in the book...I had never about it much before probably because I never read this book as much as the others ( The Chamber of Secrets and the Order of the Phoenix were my favorite books of the series)

 


If I looked into the mirror, I wonder what I would see...
It's hard to say what I would see because when you look into the Mirror of Erised (I hope I'm spelling it right btw! Sorry if  I'm not!), you see the thing you desire the most....the thing you long for the most in your heart...I don;t even know what I desire the most because I realize some things aren't needed you know?
A hobo would perhaps see a stable lifestyle with a home and job.
A single women who was recently dumped by her boyfriend who she thought was going to propose would probably see that engagement ring.....awko taco...
The Notre Dame football team (all together) would see the championship in their future with multiple NFL offers.

Perhaps what one would see is just the thing that would solve their most current problem that is looming over them and their future...
Me...Well I just want to fit in at my college....
And considering tonight...I'm starting to feel a little bit better.
Then again I just got back and so did everyone else... I'm just going to take it
One day at a time

I am so bad at sticking to a subject hahaha

Where to go and what to do??

What to do what to do??
Life is full of choices and I love that.
But sometimes there are too many choices thus making it too hard to pick the one that's right or all the choices seem too similar...
I am looking at majoring in nursing or dental hygiene.
Which to chose though?
Both work in healthcare and work closely with people. and both have an abundant of job opportunities.

In nursing you get to make a difference in peoples' lives and can save them. There is room for advancement and growth in this career as well. There are many different types of nursing one can go into whether it is psychiatric nursing or geriatric nursing.
In nursing, I can become a nurse anesthesiologist.  I don't know if that is the right career for me but I love the idea of moving up.
Plus I don't have to go to graduate school right away for it. I can go work for a couple years and find out if I want to do it.

In dental hygiene, it will just be a four year program and I am done. I can get a masters and teach but I don't think I want to teach. If I wanted to teach I would become an elementary school teacher which I would love but it does not have a very good job rate especially compared to nursing and dental hygiene.
Dental hyigene would be a good job for me but I am afraid I would get bored too easily. I would have to do the same thing every day over and over and I'm afraid I would get tired of the repetition.

I think I am going to try and get a bachelor's in nursing.
Then I can try and become a nurse administrator or become a CRNA.
I'm starting to get excited now.
I feel like I actually have a path I can follow now :)
Plus with nursing I can transfer easily to another college compared to dental hygiene where there are not very many programs.

Wanted

"You know I'd fall apart without you
I don't know how you do what you do
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me
It makes sense when I'm with you" Hunter Hayes "Wanted"

Why do I have to know I am wanted?

Here I am at college, and I am trying to make it through week by week.
Why?
Because I hate it.
Why?
Because I don't feel wanted.
I don't feel like anyone will miss me if I never showed up in a class or at a meeting again in this town. I am just as easy to forget as that math homework your professor assigned on Friday.
I have been debating on transferring colleges for awhile now.
And I have mentioned this to some people, whom I would say I am closest to on this campus, arbitrarily but I did slyly to make it seem like I am not really looking at it but it is an option. And you know what they sad? Whatever. Or Have a great time there- good party school. Oh you'll like it there.
Great.
That's just what I wanted to here.
That you don't really care if I stay here.
I'm not asking you to get down on your hands and knees and beg me to stay.
I want to know that you might miss me, even a little bit.
I want to know that you have started to care for me a little bit but I guess not.
Walking around campus at night, it can be a little scary. My college is in a relatively safe area but there has been some crime and issues.
I walk around at night by myself when I am walking building to building (like dorms to the library) and realize that someone could come up and attack me, drag me away, rape me, any awful thing and I don't think anyone would realize this for a few days.
And I feel like I might be willing to let them because I just don't give a poop anymore.
Might as well see if anyone cares for me now that I am under duress.

My roommate doesn't care what I do.
I go to bed after her and get up before her usually so she would probably just think that missed her.

If I was found alive and well, then my sorority sisters may care for a few days and then go back to loving their fave freshies.

My soccer buddies wouldn't know because I don't always make it to soccer and I;m just starting to get to know them.

I sound like a silly girl wishing a guy would  sing a song like Hunter Hayes's Wanted to them..
But right now, that's all I'm wishing for.
I wish someone wanted me.
But I guess I'll just have to learn how to deal with not being wanted.

 

Ice I Need Ice!

Does anyone remember this random movie line?
I doubt it because I am the type of person who always remembers the most random  movie lines
This one comes from The Princess Diaries where Mia is playing baseball and hurts her gym teacher.
It was an awkward moment for the princess but still funny!

When I hear "L is for the way you look at me" reminds me immediately of the Parent Trap with Lindsey Lohan- whom I do not like as a person but love her in this movie!

Do you ever hear people talking and they say something little like "Duuudee" and it automatically makes you think of Crush the sea turtle from Finding Nemo?

I was sitting in Psychology the other day learning about how the littlest things can trigger yoour memory and remind you of past memories and experiences.

Last night, a couple friends and I were watching the Disney movie (Yes I know, all I have mentioned so far are Disney movies but 1. Disney movies are awesome and 2. I do watch other movies but Disney movies are the easiest to relate to) Anastasia.
Memories flooded back to me as the movie continued. Even though I hadn't watched or thought about this movie in years, I was able to recall what would happen in the movie a couple minutes before it was going to happen.
 

The movie reminded me of memories of hanging out with  my passed grandma and my cousin Anna as we ate homemade chocolate chip cookies and milk while playing cards.
Watching this movie just lifted my spirit because I loved being reminded of these memories and good times as a child.

Being a child is truly the best time in life. As soon as you are past a certain time in your life, you realize how great it truly was.
But that's a subject for another time

One Week Until Thanksgiving!

What are you thankful for?
Besides the ever so clever response: family and health; what specifically are you glad you have in your life because without it, what would you be like? Would you still be you?

I am thankful that I am at a four year university studying to get a degree.
Even though I am still having problems at my college and want to transfer, I am glad that I am still pushing myself to do my best and I actually have a professor who wants to help me succeed. I am thankful that my roommate kept me as a roommate even after she told me she wanted to switch .I am so glad we were able to work things out.

I am thankful for my best friend Shelby- why? Because she has been there for me through thick and thin. She has helped me get through the toughest times here  at college even though she is a couple hours away from me. She is always there to talk to me and text me about any problems I have whether it's big or small from boy problems to if I chose the right college and career path. She keeps me from making bad decisions and I thank the Lord that we have still stayed best friends since middle school and I continue to hope that we stay best friends until we are old ladies sitting with our husbands on our porch eating m&ms and drinking Squirt until the break of dawn.

I am thankful that someone said hi to me today which uplifted my mood hugely.
The littlest things can make a person's day all the more better.
I am thankful I found a job that I love
I am thankful for the coffee that wakes me up
I am thankful for Nick at Nite playing Friends which has never let me go an episode without laughing a couple of times.
I am thankful for seeing the cutest wedding video today that makes me believe that I'll have a beautiful wedding someday ( although I'm more concerned about finding the perfect man that fits me like two peas in pod than having the most beautiful wedding)
I am thankful that my roommate let me borrow her cheetah onesy  that is super cozy since our room is bloody cold!
I hope to be thankful towards someone someday for teaching me a British accent!

(One cheesy clever response- sorry haha)I am thankful that my family is together and loves one another. I hear about these people's stories about their home life and how rough  it is compared to mine and even though I sometimes can't stand my family and they drive me up the wall- I could not make it through a day without them

Oh and here's an adorable picture of a place I've been to and want to go back to! I love parissss
 

Late Nights

I wish I was like Snoopy right now- although I don't know if that position would be comfortable...
I am pulling off my first college all-nighter and honestly,
it feels so stupid.
I mean, maybe some people can comprehend information at 4am but I realize I now that I would hav fared better with sleep.
But once you reach that one specific point in time, you know you won't be falling asleep anytime soon and if you did eventually fall asleep, you would not be able to wake up for your classes or meetings in the morning. I wish we could run off an hour of sleep.
Think of how  much more we could get done!
Btw- this is my study break since I didn't have time earlier today to blog.
Late Nights suck too because it throws off the rest of your week until you can catch up on the sleep.

And then you start snacking on junk food even if you ran your heart out earlier today in an effort to burn those calories that you just  put back on.
Oh well haha

Well, I guess I will be staying up for over twenty-four hours- this is my punishment for waiting to study for my test until now!
I guess it is fair but I feel like I am going to get a second consequence when i do terribly on my test tomorrow...

Tomorrow I think I will be blogging about how every program wants you to be the top of the top in your classes or else they won't accept you into any programs for your career in college...Everything is just so competitive in college...Well I have more on this but I think I will save that for tomorrow when I can attempt to write something worthwhile I hope.

Sparkling vs. Brawny

Like OMG guys the final installment of Twilight is coming out in four days?!
Whose excited?
ME!
Want to know why?
Because then people will finally be done with it.
( Even the actors are sick of it!)

Okay I am being a hypocrite because I used to be one of those silly girls obsessed with the books. I didn't tell any of my friends because it was lame.
But I was a total Team Edward in the books and Team Jacob in the movies ( Have you SEEN Taylor Lautner? Holy cow! Yum!)
Luckily, I have gotten over the inital craze. The books in themselves were not awful. The storyline is a "wee bit" stretched but it was the movies that probably made the book series seem even worse with the awful acting- I'm talking to you Kiersten Stewart who can't show more than one facial expression)

But have you ever seen an movie just because even though you knew it would be awful, you just had to see it?
I think I will most likely go see the final installment of Twilight.
I need closure because I truly did enjoy the books. The books weren't up at the top of my reading list next to "The Great Gatsby" or anything but they were the chick flicks of reading for me when I was having a bad day. And now that the final movie is coming out, I want to see how other people saw the end of the movie in their perspective.

I'm just going to hope for the best.
(Let's just hope Edward keeps his shirt on- sorry dude sometimes less is more!)

The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow

" The sun will come tomorrow bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow- there'll be sun"
 

This song always seems to brighten my day especially after a rough week.
And you know what?
It did get better :)
Sometimes it just takes time for everything to turn back your way.
Of course, not everything will go one's way but perhaps all it takes is to look at the more positive view of life.
Look at things in a positive view rather than negative
Negative- I have never had a boyfriend. I am not lovable.
Positive- Why do I need someone to tell me they love me? I can hold myself up. I have for the past number of years (BTW I am NOT some crazy weird old lady- I've had "flings") been fine. Obviously I am still alive and still succeeding in life. I have an amazing family. I have amazing friends. I may wish  had someone to cuddle with and hold me at night but why do I need someone to take care of me. I need to be able to take care of myself.

See? Do you see all the positivity?
Negative- I failed my test.
Positive- Next time, I know how to study. I want to learn that information because I can increase my intelligence.

Okay that sounded completely cheesy  and stupid haha

I am not used to blogging. Usually I just write in my journal about my pathetic attempts at flirting and hanging out with guys. Once I write it out I feel better.
But here at my college( if you had a read my previous post you would see I am not having a very good time at college- I am not usually one who likes to stay in. I like to have a mix of going out and staying in. I'm not a complete introvert)
'
Forget it, I'm lame. Here I am blogging when I could be out with friends. You know what I think I;m going to do it.
I'm going to take the leap.
I am planning on blogging once a day if I can but given how lame this post is, I doubt anyone will be back to read.  Ah well time to go
Time to Live It Up
It's life after all
You only get one shot
 

Life In College

It's a Saturday night.
You've been in college for over two months.
According to most people, you should be out partying with all your new friends, having the time of your life.
Well I'm one of those students yet I am sitting in my dorm room typing away  and watching Friends on Nick at Nite.
Before you assume I am one of those people who hides herself in her room, munching away on chips and sweets as I eat myself away to obesity and watching chick flicks, you should know that I'm not.
I enjoy going out with friends and meeting new people. I enjoy bonding and having a blast with others.
In high school I had a group of friends that I could always call up to hang out with or to grab a coffee/ smoothie. But I chose to go somewhere new for college and to forgo the easy route by going to the same college as my friends. I wanted a chance to explore and to take a chance. Before, I had always thought of myself as a person who can meet new people easily and become friends. I had seen new people come to my school and be accepted into our school's social scene. I wanted to try that, and to branch out. College was an opportunity to take a chance.
Now that I'm here, I no longer feel that way.
I miss my friends, I miss my old lifestyle.
I don't feel like I belong here, at this college.
I have gone out, I joined a sorority and various clubs and groups. But everyone here seems to have a set group of friends and I am not included in it.
In the sorority house, the girls seem accepting but the older girls seem to have selected their freshmen that they want to hang out with and I am not in that crowd. I joined a religious group that really seemed to fit me until one girl back stabbed me at a getaway and then other girls whom I met and seemed to had made friend with on the trip no longer talk to me- its a simple hi in the hallway or they just ignore me.
There are nice people here that I have met, but they have their own thing going on and I don't want to intrude. I don't like inviting myself to things. I want to know I am wanted and they don't say I can come out of guilt or lack of respect.

My dad gave me some good advice, when he went to college after Thanksgiving break, he didn't think that he would miss any of the people he met at college but by Winter/Christmas Break, he realized how much he missed the people he went to college with and couldn't wait to get back (he had gone to a college out of state where none of his friends from high school had gone to).

I have five weeks until Christmas break, and the time at which I'm suppose to realize that I love my college. But right now, all I want to do is transfer. Whether I transfer to the big college one of my best friends attend or to a smaller college, it's up in the air.

All that I know right now, is that the college that I am at now, is not the college for me.
The next step, abide a scary one, is making sure that I make it work at the next college because I do not want to transfer again. I am already going to have to start over and its going to be even hardder because most people will have their circle of friends.

Who knows what the future has in store for me. But I hope that it is good because these past two months here, at my current college have been the worst months of my life.
And its time I find a place with people that accept me for me and want to get to know me without making me feel bad about myself.